The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Dahlia

05:26:31

Jun 10 2006



Today is a new day with the Sun shining, birds singing and, as usual,... a smile on my face :)



Your latest journal entry, "Dig This"... been there too! I couldn't have said it better... described what it is I want. It is what I feel I have with my special one... what he and I will have together... when we are finally together in the 'normal' sense of the word. lol Arg... it is an odd thing to feel that I am in a relationship with someone who is not in my life physically. Yet, that's what it is... exactly. I am his completely. I suppose some would think me crazy... it wouldn't be the first time. lol I still feel the wonder that he and I found each other at all. *lucky girl* :)



Anyway, my original point (before I began to ramble, lol.) is that it is possible... to have all that... the feeling of being claimed and cherished for who you are now and who you may become... and at the same time the wild, soaring freedom.



It is possible.



Anything is possible.



Believe



and allow it to happen. :)





I did and continue to do so...



you should see how I fly without fear now :)



Take care and be well, sweet Ann. ?



With love and warm wishes...

On 17:19:47 May 05 2006 sahahria wrote:



I have been very good



Calm now, the pieces are falling into place and soon I will be where I need to be.



Moving is taxing emotionally and spiritually- but I think it is freeing. Of the old, things, dust whatever it is that we haven't been able to keep up with and move out of our environment.



I look forward as where I am going seems to be less of a trauma and more supportive. I am fatigued by the advisarial aspects of where I am now.



I want to be in a place where people can look out for themselves, but not feel the need to put someone down to get there.



How have you been?





shinedemongod

09:37:05

May 05 2006



i am good thankyou, very good infact



it builds it grows, it changes





so fast that it appears to be perfectly still

i am happy

and something more than that

quiet in myself





it feels a little more free everyday

everyday a little of the external grip eases, aleaving me to realise it is i who need to be now gripping upon myself, that all externals were but safety catches



it is becoming so very clear that all along it was i

the struggle the pain, all of it was only i, there was noone else



i was the god in my universe

i was the child prince of my kingdom

awaiting the throne

all the while being guided and my affairs managed by trusted gaurdians

i near the throning



a little everyday



everyday i realise my past all the events ,, the people everything seeming to fit, everything seeming to have been so unalterable ,

the pieces that fit in that spacetime



i am at ease in the chaos



and getting there also



coming close to the eye of this storm that everything seems to be

to that calm and quiet center around which all the storm rages



i can even hear it sometimes, feel it, the air or whatever it is that pervades



it is differenter everyday and it seems so much the same also

like a differntness revealed,

a code and codes that unlock these pictures, sounds, events, smells tastes



and the being in the coding itself

in the heart pf the matrix of this unravelling and clothing



it goes something like this for me

On 16:04:05 May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



it is crossroads



and things that come with them for me



it is strange



yes it is also looking to be the action part of it for me also along with anxiety and insecurities





why does one need to sell oneself i often wonder



isnt it enough that one does things

it seems like it is all that is needed and yet one is needing always to package and sell oneself



divide ones life into the fun bit the interesting bit, the real bit and this other bit



it seems lopsided and irrational in a way



it isnt about work , one is willing and eager even to work hard and like a dog even though it somehow dosnt seem to be about that it seems to be about something else some delivery that makes all the difference



a ramble a thought and then back to the grind



no wonder one imagines a heaven , a utopia



one always seems to be sensing something beyond the rainbow



one almost lives in a state of expectation for the resolution, the coming, the something something



when it is about , was always about even the just doing and being



we got lost in so many wrappers and ribbons



so many boxes



that it seemed that it was about the wrapping , so much so that god forbid we should open the package and damage the wrapping

oh no we cant have that



after very long it became boxes and boxes of air



and i so ramble



lol





On 16:14:02 May 07 2006 sahahria wrote:



So very true, another piece here and there.



Yet freeing when you can look at things and say- I don't want that anymore. It is time to leave this to someone else.



Or I will sell this as it will hold me back if I keep it any longer. It is not functional, beautiful or loved anymore- so it's purpose is gone.



Hard when you see yourself in a place as the clutter. Freeing when you release it as more comes back to you. Then we find the true bits of great things because we don't have the other stuff obscuring our view



Often it is on the horizon in front of us, but we had built up too much - we could not see.



On 16:24:55 May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



yes



although this thing about having to sell , having always to sell



is it not enough that we do and then move on



a friend of mine used to say , we paint because we cant do anything else



it is so simple



one does what one is made to do



why does one need to do more than that



afterall what is ones responsibility really

besides living well

and performing the actions one is meant to perform



iisnt it enough for a painter that he/she paints



for a singer that he/she sings for a sculptor that he/she sculpts

for farmer that he/she tends to the land

for a teacher that he/she teaches



this makes sense doesnt it that this ought to be enough



somehow it never is



one is needing to sell



to eat the fruit



can one not just be in the garden

in the experience



and not have to always try to profit from everything

not have to keep a little on the side for later



and make the small mind thinking, the scarcity thinking





On 16:33:28 May 07 2006 sahahria wrote:



It is so true. If right now we were not controlled by the matierial. Our ablility to just be would increase, yet we step away further and further form this.



People look for security where there is none, they want peace from things that create Chaos.



Our world is changing once more... the question remains will we step back or move beyond what we understand right now?



Fear I think is the primary motivator to stepping back. We know what we are asking ourselves then, it is safe and in essance will not hinder how we think we are. Instead of who we should become







On 16:47:38 May 07 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



there is but one question , it seems to me



what could happen



what is the worst case scenario

for every moment if we ask ourselves this at points of fear

things become very clear

warped thoughts , disjointed and misplaced priorities come to view



our illnesses and the pathologies that we breed within ourselves become so clear



it is a moment



one moment is all it takes

it happens in one moment



like death

like birth



one moment to ................



to just...............



simply..............



one question



what can possibly happen



and then we dive





On 17:10:11 May 07 2006 sahahria wrote:



The answer makes my soul sing



fully and without holding back



Indeed no more holding back



What is the worst,



Just that we much pick ourselves back up



should we happen to fall



Yet the fall is unavoidable



So why not sing before and after it?





shinedemongod

09:18:31

May 07 2006





when the worst has alrady been anticipated and accepted



the very source of fear is rooted out



then one is fearless

like gods



naked and without guile

without cunning and pettiness

all is then a newness



a song and a dance



a walking into the stream



jerulasem at every corner

mecca at every step

and the ganges flowing though every tap



every action a prayer

an offering



every moment an unfolding



release and a reacycling



diving into the pool

the matrix

the liquor



being made whole every moment being shattered every moment



being the wave

the pulse

the light

the light that oscillates between matter and wave



that refracts and splits



that reveals seven



the seven that closes into one



the play

shinedemongod

11:10:46

May 08 2006





it has been interesting



an interesting conversation with a like minded person who is for all purposes of the world a stranger, yet there is much familiarity



everyday pieces of the puzzle that is i come into place



there seems to be something like detachment



longing quietly from the corner of my soul



waiting



knowing



trusting



so much trusting

never before have i known such trust in reality

in phenomenon



there is much goodness for all those who wait

that makes me smile a secret smile



also i am realising that things when seen in perspective are good



always they are good



all is good



i see babies



i become mother



i so easily am mother

and child



there is something in that ,mother and child



nature and objects



reality and the experiencer



life is good isnt it





good fun

shinedemongod

10:00:11

May 11 2006





yes much magic over the past few days



spells and workings words and thoughts



transmissions and receptions



much meaning



much sureness

much grounding

much release





much recognition



ease



trust has never been an issue with me

i trust very easily, too easily i think sometimes



doubt is more of an educated response



i am finding that i trusr more though much much more

in myself

in the universe

in reality



it is a good



and the ride aint half bad either











On 17:51:47 May 11 2006 sahahria wrote:



Yes the physical can not be denied.



Online we can convince ourselves that is was just us



to touch and bask in the energy



That is not to be denied



Much change, I hope I am in place when I need to be



Trust in the world, others is something this is forcing me to do



I have met several from this site,



And each exactly as I read them here



Confirmation that was needed



Yet I still have issues trusting



But I need their help and it has made this all



Possible



When we work together



For each other



Not for just the self



Magic



On 17:40:51 May 11 2006 shinedemongod wrote:



i am very good thank you



i met a person with very similar thoughts and ideas



also a worker of energy and on a journey



in the same city



it has been a very interesting few days

much karma

and much of my past becoming very clear



it is difficult to explain



it has been interesting



i look forward to much goodness in my life



it is good to find affirmation and validation from another person in physical reality

no matter how much i say that i am validation and affirmation enough for myself



the time is very charged isnt it



all sorts of things afoot in the ethers



the age of aquarius is finally begining to catch steam i think









On 17:26:36 May 11 2006 sahahria wrote:



Greetings my friend



How are you?



Today it is cloudy but I know the sun is there



Waiting to show, illuminate my journey